2023 / Issue 16

But this also is one of my struggles with the German way of feminism. I do have my difficulties with feminism being omnipresent in every aspect of life. Let me explain why. While we are still fighting for a better world for all women, there are growing up young women right now. And we teach them that they must fight for equal rights. They get the point, but they also understand that they are not equal yet. Maybe they would never have gotten that feeling of inequality without feminism. Maybe they are growing up like me with parents that don’t care if their child is a girl or a boy and just support the child in the best way. This could already give a girl the feeling of equality and this feeling could be just so normal for a young lady, that she never worries about having problems in today’s society. Sometimes feminism nowadays itself creates the problem. For example, there are these girls, who just feel equal and then someone tells them “You are beautiful with this nice haircut “. And for the girl it is just a compliment about her hair and for the person it is just a compliment about the hair. But then there are feminists, who explain to the girl that this compliment is sexist and just about her being a young woman serving a cliché in a male dominated world. You see, now the compliment is a problem. And probably this young girl will have a problem with every compliment in the future, even if the compliment has no sexist meaning at all but just was meant to be a nice compliment. There you go:  feminism made the world more difficult for this little girl. I go a little bit further. There are “girls’ things” and “boys’ things”, that you are not allowed to call “girls things” or “boys things”. And I really think this is correct.  I am a fan of not teaching my kids about what is “girls’ stuff” or “boys’ stuff”. But I see a lot of feminists that say the same but still have a problem, if the girl really likes “girls’ stuff”. They say their girl is allowed to play football but are disappointed if the girl wants to do ballet. And this is just wrong in the opposite way. Feminism can’t be about restricting women just in another way. Feminism should be about giving all the girls the permission to be confident about what they like and what they want. This is one of the biggest problems I have right now about feminism in 2023 in Western Europe. As a woman you can’t be a feminist while fitting in old stereotypes. And in my opinion, that’s wrong. It’s just fine to like pink, to prefer dancing over other sports, to wear dresses and even to focus more on family than on career. You still can see the point of feminism; you still can want equal rights and you still can feel equal while preferring to be a stay-at-home mom.   

On the one hand there are the feminists who judge people that don’t follow all their feministic expectations and on the other hand there still are people who prevent women from feeling equal. It is impossible to feel equal if there are men in your life, who prove to you that you aren’t. This is not just about violence and abuse but also about attitude and power. It’s impossible to feel equal, if a man uses violence or power to get what he wants. It is impossible to feel equal if you earn less money than the guy next to you, just because you are a woman even though you are doing the same. And of course, there are still a lot of other problems.   

So, what is the best way of fighting against inequalities? The feminism in Germany still fights a lot. It really is about changing the way of thinking. As a man you should think about your language and attitude. As a woman you should behave like a fighting feminist. As a company you must give equal rights by law. Means, you must satisfy a Women’s quota. And it doesn’t matter if there are equally qualified candidates for a job.  

Is this the good way? Maybe it is. Because I see how successful this way can be. Feminism already had the power to change a lot. And maybe it’s fine to make some parts extremely, so it can change faster.  Maybe it is ok to discriminate against men and give women higher and not just equal chances in the job market than men. Because that is what the German quota for women does. Maybe that is ok, because it will give so many women a better position. Maybe this could give them the power to change the world faster. Maybe the only possible way to fight the system is a hard one. However, I hate this quota for women even though I’m female myself. For me it is written down by law, that women are not equal. For me the quota just says: “It is impossible for you as a woman to get a job without this quota.” I really feel like I have the chance to get every job I want. And if there is a man better qualified than me, I would feel terrible to get the job instead of him, just because I am a woman. Here you see me as a math student, where I always felt equal.

Me as a biology student focuses on the biology problems. Men and women are not the same and will never be.  Women can get pregnant, and this difference will never change and will always influence the person’s life. Becoming a mother still affects a woman’s job much more than becoming a father. Even if the family wants everything as equal as possible, the woman will have the pregnancy and the birth. And this always means a risk for companies and employers. And what if the women not just feel equal but also really feels like a mom? I had this feeling so much, I wanted to have it all. I wanted to breastfeed, and I wanted to care for my child 24/7. I would have been heartbroken to give my child to daycare within the first few months. Fortunately for me it was possible, so I stayed with my kids for a long time. And that’s almost like the nail in the coffin for your own career. Of course, it is still possible to work and to build something up, but I lost 5 years of work experience compared to a man of my age. Let’s ask the social science student: Maybe a female quote is a good idea to overcome the disadvantages a woman has in her working life. 

So probably I am not a typical feminist and I do have some problems about the way feminism is acting right now but I really feel equal, and I want this feeling for every woman in the world. I don’t judge feminist developments but sometimes it is just not the way I would choose. I think the best way is to put effort in the generation we are raising. To raise people in a way of thinking is much easier than changing people in their thinking. I raise two boys and I will also raise different children as a teacher. I will be careful to refrain from stereotyping and reinforce the strengths and talents of the boys and girls. I will pay attention to unequal thinking, gender roles and sometimes I will talk about these topics specifically. This, by the way, is a goal for the whole next generation. For the boys and the girls. And right now, I see a lot of mothers, fathers and teachers take care of those things while raising the next generation. So maybe we will have a strong society, that lives gender-equal and without stereotypes in the future. And maybe it will be just normal for them, because they were raised like this and had this thinking their whole live.  

Maybe some of you are also helping to raise a gender-equal next generation at home, too? 

Thanks for reading and kind regards,  

Nina Winter